I’ve been through my fair share of struggles. I’m not someone that’s always had a voice or had the strength to talk about my struggles.
For over a decade I suffered in silence of fear that I was weird and too different that I was a freak and someone that had a “problem”. Yes I suppose I do have a problem, I struggle on the daily with crippling anxiety and depression.
I don’t struggle in just the winter or just when I’ve had a “rough” day. I struggle to sometimes know my purpose. I struggle to know why god put me on this planet. I wonder who would miss me if I was gone. This isn’t a “normal” way to live and to be completely honest it’s awful.
It’s something I cry often about, it’s something I am still ashamed and embarrassed of and it’s something I wish I could change myself.
Having lived my entire life dealing with this I have learned what helps me function better (exercise and routine) are two of the major things that help me. I am a person that’s typically extremely organized and at times I find myself so lost on where to go or what to do. With also being self employed you are responsible for your own daily routine which can be amazing and also a downfall.
It’s hard to stay motivated it’s hard to never have that escape of leaving to go to work to surround yourself with familiar faces all the time. Isolation is not the best for someone that struggles like me. I’ve found myself really struggling to leave the house after a few days of working strictly from home. To most people it’s no big deal to quickly go to Walmart or go get groceries, for me it can be. I find myself almost giving myself a pep talk to go out and do it. Most days I push myself, most days I carry on like I’ve got it somewhat together, but let me tell you friends there are days that I can’t get dressed, I can’t do my hair, I can barely parent. Those are the days that are not talked about, those are the days that are life changing for some.
I have the most respect for people that speak out and share their challenges, they share their differences, they share that they aren’t perfect ! None of us are perfect. I am a mess some days and I’m not a perfect mom, or wife, I’m not a perfect friend or daughter but shit I sure do try my best.
I started this blog because I needed to. I’m certainly not a writer. I have terrible grammar and spelling but I really don’t care. I needed this to be somewhere I could run to, somewhere I could inspire others, a place I could just be me. A place other people found comfort in visiting and sharing. I wanted this blog to be a safe place. I find comfort in knowing I’m not alone on this journey. I’m sharing this not for pitty but to bring awareness to mental health issues.
I may have nice pictures on my Instagram or blog and I might look like I have it all together but I want to be super real and honest with anyone that reads this or follows me and say I’m not perfect. I struggle. I have had and will continue to have bad days. I want you to know if your reading this and something has hit home I’m here for you, I might not always have the right things to say but I’ll always have an ear to listen.
Thank you for reading this and for being apart of my journey, I really do appreciate each person that follows me so much.